Mar 3, 2009
Honesty
Today I was reading a friends blog and I had a bit of a wake up call. I have a really hard time opening up, i mean REALLY opening up, especially when it comes to my blog. Sometimes I wonder why people don't always read my blog or bother to comment. But then i realized that I have been (with a few exceptions) been blogging about the random ins and outs of my life, which is not always very interesting or worth commenting on. However, I have many friends who's blogs read like a diary. Sometimes i think that to open myself up like that would be horribly uncomfortable but yet, maybe it will be liberating. So as a result of my new enthusiasm, I am going to start trying to be more honest and more open with what I am REALLY feeling and not care who may read it or who or who may not comment. In addition to being more honest on my blog, I am going to start (again) keeping a real live journal. Since moving to california, and being married, and being away from my friends and family, and being on an eternal job search, I feel like I am having some sort of identity crisis. I know I am the same person, but at times I wonder who I am becoming. Am I the person that Chad fell in love with? Am I the person that is worth being a friend? Am I a person who is worth hiring? I know my strengths, but at times i feel so crippled by my weaknesses and it makes me feel so small and so riddled with anxiety and doubt about everything. I am hoping that by setting new goals and by being more open with myself (and those to care to read my blog) I will begin to bring back and cultivate my strengths and grow by learning from my mistakes. I know the person I know I am deep down is still there, I guess i just need to make more of an effort to bring that person out.
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12 comments:
Before I say anything else, let me first tell you that I love your cute blog, even if I'm sometimes too lazy to leave you a comment. I think we all are. At least I keep hearing about the weirdest people who read my blog, and I have no idea because they don't leave a comment. Just know that you are still awesome and interesting and adorable, even if your friends are too lazy to tell you :)
I think I know what you mean about the open blogs. I know a couple of people who just bare their little souls on the internets, and I really can't do that myself. And yet, whenever I read one of those super-open and honest blogs I think "I wish I could do that too." I guess for me there is a balance between being open about myself, and just putting my entire life online for whoever wants to to read. I'm excited for this new chapter of Emily-ness, and will be reading :)
I just want to second Tamsin's emotion that I love your blog, even though I rarely leave comments. I even have a subscription to it through Google Reader so I don't miss one!
I think that you should be less hard on yourself about the job search thing. I have a friend who has been searching for a year now for a job and still hasn't found one. (Not that this will happen to you.) It is also making her feel really bad about herself as well. Personally, when I was job hunting, I think most of the self esteem issues I had stemmed from the blatent rejection that happens over and over and over again when you are job hunting. Believe me little Em, you are totally worth being a friend to and you will not feel this way forever. I love you little Em!
I read your blog as soon as you post because of my google reader. You always make me smile.
Job searching sucks, and I know the feeling of depression that comes with. I want you to stop looking for a job in these next two weeks so we can hang out all day everyday when I am there. I also want you to make me fresh strawberry smoothies everyday. OK? No? oh well then, good luck.
Oh, and if you want to find out who reads your blog, just give something away for free and make every one comment.
I want a photo!
thanks for your kind words...you guys are sweet. Thanks for reminding me that I do have friends (even if they are in Missouri, Utah and New York!)
i love your blog... it's cute and adorable just like yourself! xoxo
Em I experienced a similar situation when I quit work and stayed home with the kids. I was lost with out my identity (she's a school teacher, Masters Student, etc.). It is hard to transition from something we know and love to an unknown. I hope you know how amazing you are. I have been impressed with you since the day I met you. Know that you are so worthy of love and friendship. Hang in there. By the way - I love the pictures you took for us. We owe you for all the beautiful photos you've taken of us over the years.
Hi Emily! Just so you know- you aren't the only one this is happening to so don't feel badly! there are so many people looking for work and unable to find it.. Looking for a job is THE WORST!! I have applied for 40 nursing jobs in the last 2 months and have come up with NOTHING>.. only one call back! It is crazy! I always thought I would be able to find a nursing job at the drop of a hat- but this economy is SO BAD!! So, rest assured, it's not YOU~ it's a terrible time to be job hunting.. IT STINKS!! You are so awesome and we think you are one of the sweetest people we know. We always comment about how kind you are and we love to be around you and Chad! Keep your chin up! :) It will all work out somehow! :) <3 Les
I feel the same way. Sometimes I just want to rant but then I remember that so-and-so might read it and then we'd have a full blown mess. So I just keep most things to myself and if they really need to come out, then I use my journal. Which I can burn or hide or throw if necessary!
thanks for all the words of encouragement, you guys are great! I know I will find a job eventually and also find a balance of what to share and what not to share on my blog...its a work in progress.
Emily,
I understand how you're feeling. A move, a husband, finding a new job - it is all a lot to figure out. I feel like maybe our whole lives are identity crises - always something new coming our way, but you're smart enough, loving enough and cool enough to figure it all out.
HH
Emm! You will always be my roomie-sista and the coolest artist I know. I love reading your blog, keeping up on the fun adventures of your life with Chad as well as that inner personal journey you have been so open about. Know that we are all out there supporting you, smiling with you and praying for you when you need it (and probably when you don't need it)! Lots of LOVE!!!
Mags
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